another one bites the dust...

and another one...

and another one...

seriously someone better start following me around with shop-vac.

My hair is falling out.  And it makes me sad.

ugh. {an update}

Thought it was about time for an update.  When people start calling to see if you're okay because you haven't updated your blog in 4 days, it's time.  Unfortunately it's not a great update.  

After a week of feeling amazing, Last Wednesday night I got hit pretty hard.  I've had really bad headaches that start when I wake up and pretty much last all day if I'm not laying down.  I get extreme sweats on and off all day.  The kind that soak your tank top and make your hair wet.  That alternates with bouts of being freezing cold, where no amount of clothes or blankets will warm me up.  I've also been hit with the dreaded mouth sores all around my lips and sides of my mouth, which adds a lot of pain that hits you unexpectedly a lot - like when I kiss Elise, or put on chapstick.   I went to bed at 8:30 on Saturday, and pretty much slept until 3:30 on Sunday.  I'm SO tired all the time.  All of this is coming right before my next round of chemo tomorrow.  This is really, really not fun guys.  

I couldn't do it without my family.  My sister Lauren arrived tonight so she can come with me to chemo tomorrow, and my mom will stay with Elise during the day.  Hopefully tomorrow's treatment will be shorter than the first one and I'll have more good days in my future.  Feeling like crap is no fun.  I feel useless, I pretty much nap or watch Elise run around, but I'm not really able to play.  Good thing she's so easy, she's pretty much happy no matter what she's doing.  Love that girl, we don't know what we'd do without her. 

So that's the scoop around here.  Kinda depressing, I know.  I'll get some cute pictures of Elise up here pretty soon. 

soft blanket...

This is now our little tradition before bath time.  Elise LOVES this really soft furry blanket my mom has, and she loves to roll around on it when she's naked.  It's so hilarious.  I kept her diaper on her for the sake of decency in the video...haha. 

Bath time always makes her happy.

Classic Elise face. 

blast from the past

So I was looking through all our old picture books trying to find a picture of me from when I was little that looks like Elise.  There aren't any.  But I did find these gems.  Get ready for the awesomeness, cousins.

I'm guessing this is Christmas based on Stacy's "Beary Christmas" sweatshirt. 

Nice, Dad.  The glasses really go with the 7Up hat.  That is a pretty awesome snowman, though.

Lauren is in this one too, actually....

Apparently I couldn't be trusted without my "First Prize Peas" bib but Peter did just fine keeping his suspenders clean.  Typical.

Everyone please notice the awesome countstiched ruffled cover on the broom hanging on the wall and the giant basket of fake flowers in the background.  Very 1989 chic.

Mmmm.... watering cans and swimmies.

Weekend Update

We had such a great weekend.  I have felt the best I have felt in probably a month, and it was fabulous.  We keep on waiting for the chemo to hit, but so far so good.  Maybe we can get through the first treatment without any major side effects.  That would be awesome.  

On Saturday Grandpa & Grandma Goote came and picked Elise up for a sleepover while we went out to dinner for my birthday.  They were ALL very excited.  Elise got lots and lots of attention (like always) and they got to show her off at church this morning. We headed over to their house for lunch to pick her up... we missed her so much!  She didn't get her usual naps though (she was having too much fun) - and she was OUT about 5 minutes after we left. 

She also decided she wanted to play in the lake this afternoon...and I just happened to have my camera on me.  She ran into the lake before any of us could stop her.  She was totally soaked and she didn't even care.

Robinette's

Today we took advantage of this gorgeous 60 degree fall day and headed out to Robinette's for lunch.  It's the cutest little place:  apple orchards, a corn maze, pumpkins, donuts...  it's so fun! And so fall......

 Elise loved running around this place.  She'd find apples and all sorts of fun things to play with.  And she loved bites of the pumpkin donut we got to share after lunch.  Elise looks a little beat up these days.  She still hasn't mastered watching where she's going and tends to fall a lot.  She's got a scratch on her eye, her forehead, her lip, and chin.  Poor thing. 

So I'm still feeling pretty good.  Kind of still have that "punched in the stomach feeling" but it's better than being nauseous I guess.  We kind of feel like we're just waiting for the chemo effects to hit, and really hope that they don't.  We were told to expect it around day 5 so we've got a few more days.

Tonight we took a walk to Maria's for a little ice cream after dinner.  Elise loves her some ice cream, and the walk was really good for all of us.  A perfect end to a beautiful fall day.   I'm off to bed.  Elise decided to cut her afternoon nap really short today, so that meant mine was cut short too.

happy birthday, have some chemo

Today was my first Chemo treatment.  

I should probably update you on the egg retrieval first though.  It went really well.  It was semi-painful, even under the loopy drugs, but they said it was very successful.  Out of the 13 eggs they retrieved, we've got 11 future Gootes frozen in the lab at The Fertility Center.  They said that is really good.  Hopefully we won't have to use all of them, but let's just say we may have a reality show in our future (kidding...).   I'm still feeling pretty crampy/crappy from that, we're really hoping the swelling goes down in the next few days so I can feel like a normal human being again.  Although they say in about 5 days the chemo will hit me so that will probably be perfect timing, and my 27th birthday.  Ha.  Speaking of Chemo....

My dad, Nick, and I got there about 12:30 today, got some bloodwork, and waited in the outside waiting room for about 45 minutes.  They called me back to my little area (a big comfy-ish chair, a tv, a few extra chairs) where we waited a little while longer.  It kind of hit me sitting back there, I just could not hold back the tears.  I cried for a little while until my nurse came over to talk to me.  Holding back sobs is never cute, but she seemed really understanding.  My doctor stopped by to check in, and we were finally rolling by 2pm.  Four long hours later we were able to leave.  I had to have lots of saline and anti-nausea medication before they could even start the chemo.  We were the last ones there tonight.  I was definitely the youngest one there, it's so crazy seeing bald people, people with scarves, people who bring coolers of food because it obviously wasn't their first time (rookie mistake -- next time bring snacks).  

So I feel pretty good.  I haven't had any "chemo" side effects yet.  I kind of feel like I've been punched in the stomach, with the remaining effects of the hormones and the anti-nausea drugs.  It will be so nice to feel normal again.  

Elise had a great day though.  Auntie Lauren and Grandma kept her busy all day.  She had so much fun.  If she can't be with Mommy & Daddy she definitely has the next best thing.  I don't know what I'd do without you guys, Dad, Mom, Lauren & Aubrey.  I love you.  And Nick - he sat with me the whole long boring 4 hours at chemo today.  Love him.   Apparently chemo makes me all lovey-dovey.  Sorry.   So that's the scoop for now.  No pictures tonight - I'm too exhausted. 

Sunday

A little update :  The egg retrieval scheduled for today was moved to tomorrow.  Apparently my eggs looked ripe for the harvest on Monday instead of Sunday.  It's okay,  I'm just super uncomfortable at this point.  I look and feel 5 months pregnant, but I guess that should be expected when your ovaries are the size of baseballs.   I could barely buckle my sandals today.   My wonderful sister-in-law Sarah the RN came over last night to administer the last shot I needed:  a really fun one right in the booty.   Definitely wanted someone else to do that one.   Luckily I was prescribed a Valium to take tonight, as well as one tomorrow morning.  I guess they want me pretty relaxed.  Wondering if I should set aside the Vicodin & Ambien tonight?   Haha, kidding, kidding.  I sound like quite the druggie lately.  Chemo is still scheduled to start on Tuesday.

Elise had fun at Great Grandma's for lunch today.  We had the best beef roast, mashed potatoes, and green beans for lunch.  With ice cream and hot fudge for dessert, of course.  We have had the same meal there every Sunday since forever, and it's always so so good. 

Elise waving at Grandpa...

This is Elise's kissing face.

Also - we were watching some coverage on the anniversary of 9/11 this morning.  Unbelievable.  I can still remember sitting in 2nd hour study hall at CCHS and watching news coverage the rest of the day.  I feel like it's just as shocking at 26 than it was at 16.  Where were you?

the view from here.

Not too shabby.  You know it's fall when the lake steams up in the mornings. 

Another one from just right now.  My mom kept saying "you have to come look at this!"  You never get sick of this view. 

Elise and I played outside for awhile this afternoon. 

"Ooh! A flower!  I think I'll eat it."

I got my hair cut today.  Thanks to Deb Eisma (the nicest human being in the world), I have a new, short, little haircut.  Chances pretty good that it will fall out, or at least thin like crazy about two weeks after I start chemo.   Chemo countdown:  T minus 6 days.

Elise has some cute little baby curls.   Actually she has a mullet.  But it's red and curly so it's awesome.

This is what most of my pictures looked like from today.  Elise running away from me and towards the lake.

I'm in the homestretch of the fertility treatments.  It's rough.  I have to give myself three shots a day and they make me feel, well...blech.  That's about the best word to describe it.   Just yucky.  And tired.  I have to go in to the office every other day for bloodwork and an ultrasound.  Hopefully we will be done with all that crazy business on Friday, they'll do the retrieval on Sunday, I'll have a day off, and then chemo will start Tuesday.  We are just so ready to start so we can be that much closer to being done.  If everything goes on schedule, my last chemo treatment will be February 14.  It can't come soon enough!

Also, I want to thank everyone again for all the thoughtful cards and calls.  Honestly, I don't think a day has passed where we haven't gotten something in the mail.  Thank you so, so, so much. 

Little Pipsqueak

Elise found a little horn today.  Actually I think my mom got it in a futile attempt to get Pacey to stop barking.  It's really loud and scared the crap out of her when she first found it.  But then she figured out how to do this:

The Farmer's Market

We had our follow-up appointment with my oncologist today.  He went over all the results from all the tests we had last week.  Heart and lung tests were good, and he showed us the results of the PET/CT scan.  The scans look scary.  You can see big spots on my chest and neck.  He also said that since I am young and "healthy" that we will be as aggressive as we possibly can with the chemotherapy.  12 treatments, every two weeks.  And possibly radiation - depending on the results of the new scans after the chemo.   I'm feeling pretty good.  The port feels weird and my left side hurts (nothing new) except I can only take Tylenol right now because of the fertility treatments, so it pretty much hurts all the time.  And I am TIRED.  Although I'm not sure if I can blame that on the cancer or that I stay up too late (is 10pm late?)  I've been trying to nap with Elise in the afternoons and my wonderful doctor gave me some Ambien.  I'm about to pop one of those and be out for the night. 

While we were at the appointment Grandpa & Grandma Goote picked Elise up and took her to the Farmers Market.  She had so much fun - there was so much to look at! 

Elise got her very own little pumpkin!

Elise LOVES apples.  When you have one she runs at you with her mouth wide open so she can take some bites.  After the appointment we met Jim & Judy at the market.  You can kind of see my port in this picture - at least the bandages over it. 

 

After Elise slept the whole way home - we played outside for a little while.  It's supposed to be a beautiful weekend!