last one. {chemo #12}

My last chemo.  Back in August I thought this day would never come.  And now it has and I get teary eyed when I think about it.  It's just such a sense of relief.  All done.  The next few weeks will be full of tests.  An echo-cardiogram, a pulmonary function test, a PET scan, and a CT scan.  And a trip to the dentist is in order since it's off limits during chemo and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have some issues.  

Chemo was pretty normal.  Blood counts were good.  We met with doctor and asked a lot of "what now?" questions.  More will be decided after all the tests, like if I will need radiation or not.  My doctor is thinking probably not, but we'll have to check with the radiation oncologist to be sure.   We have to wait one year at a minimum before even thinking about more kids.  That's okay.  Kind of makes me glad we get more time with just us and our sweet Elise.   Nick came with me to chemo, since it was Valentine's Day and all.  Hot date for us!  He did bring me Smashburger for lunch.  My mom and Lauren brought Elise for a few minutes to meet the nurses and wave to everyone there.  We got her a little balloon dog from the Children's Hospital gift shop across the street.  She loves it. We took a little video.  I should note that Elise waves "byebye" to every trash can see sees.  I think it started when I said "byebye" to dirty diapers going in the trash. 

I thought I should dress up for my last chemo.  I wore my wig and my nice jeans.  Ha.

And a big thank you to Mrs. Goote's kindergarten class for the sweet valentines.  So cute!

choosing JOY

I read  a lot of blogs.  A few family blogs, a lot of mommy blogs, a couple "make your house cute" blogs.  I recently made this family "yearbook"  a la Young House Love.  We made it through MyPublisher.  It took a few nights of organizing photos but it turned out really great.  We got it under a free extra pages promotion so it was only $35 - an awesome deal for a book over 80 pages long!

I've found a few "cancer" blogs throughout my treatment process too.  Some are uplifting, some are sad, some are full of complaints.  Some focus way too much on the bad.  Why did I get cancer.  I'm so sad I got cancer.  I can't believe this happened to me.  They detail every single terrible thing that chemo does to them.  I get it.  I've been through it.  Chemo totally sucks.  I have my TWELFTH chemo tomorrow.  I know about the bad stuff.  I lost almost all my hair.  I have like 5 hairs left on my eyebrows.  I get so tired I go to bed at 8pm and take three hour naps. My nose runs like a faucet 24 hours a day.  I'll spare you more details. 

Only God knows why I got cancer.  I didn't choose it.  No one would.

BUT.

I CAN choose how I respond to it.  I can CHOOSE JOY.  Why wouldn't I?  I've got it pretty darn good.   One blog I read is super inspiring -Lil Blue Boo - a woman who thought she was pregnant, only to find out it wasn't a pregnancy - it was cancer.  A rare type of cancer that required an emergency hysterectomy and grueling chemo that may or may not be working.  Way worse than me.  She chooses joy. 

I have no control over the crazy lady in front of me swearing at the pharmacist at Meijer about an insurance issue.  But I can control how patient I am and how nice I can be to the poor pharmacist.  You never know what someone else is going through.   Elise and I don't mind waiting an extra few minutes and having another pack of smarties.  Elise was probably happier.

I guess my point is just to quit bitching about your life and be happy with what you have.  I'm alive.  I'm cancer-free (yay!).  I have a sweet husband and a precious daughter.  I have a beautiful home and amazing family.  I am joyful.

(The cotton balls are an idea I found online: we were working on the word soft.   Elise mostly just threw them and tore them into tiny pieces.) 

Chemo #12 tomorrow.  Last one.  AND -- my hair is growing back!! Already!  I can't believe it.  It's super fuzzy and still pretty thin on top.  My mom took a buzzer to it with a guard last weekend so it's all the same length now.  But it's growing!  I may not need to sport the turbans on Spring Break.  I'll just be the weird lady with the buzz cut. 

sweetness

Sometimes when I'm doing something in the kitchen it will get reeeallly quite in the playroom.   I used to get worried that Elise was doing something naughty...but she is almost always doing this:

little valentine

Today Elise spent the morning with Grandma so I was able to go to MOPS.   I've had to miss it the last couple months because it fell on Chemo Tuesday,  but we're finally back on track so I can go.   Love MOPS.  My mom took Elise to Meijer and got her a  balloon.  It now goes wherever she goes. 

Tea party with a balloon?  Okay. 

I'm afraid this might be her new "smile for the camera" face.   Cute Elise.....

That's better.... Although I have to admit this picture took me doing really loud "sneezes" and waving my other arm like a maniac.  She thought I was hilarious.  For a second. 

it's february. omg.

I think I can speak for everyone in our family that we thought February was SO far off last August.  I have had chemo every other Tuesday for 5 months.  FIVE.   Unbelievable.   Only one more.  

Chemo #11 went pretty smoothly.   Judy, my Mother-in-law went with me and Jim brought us lunch.   Thanks guys.   We met with my doctor again.  My bloodwork looked good still, so no Neulasta shot needed.  Which means even if my counts are low next time they won't need to give me the shot again since it is my LAST chemo and my counts should bounce back on their own.  

I've been feeling surprisingly okay the past few days.  I just am super tired and I feel like I'm in slow motion.  My mom says I even talk slow.   Lauren came into town on Wednesday and stayed with us so I could sleep.  Elise LOVES her.  It's so cute.  

This is Elise smiling for the camera.  Cheeseball. 

And this is how we tire her out before bed.  Ha - she LOVES to climb up and down the stairs.  She's pretty good at it too - the gates are not needed too much around here anymore.